DAMN RACCOONS

"Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S." (calebms) 10/18/2015 at 23:16 • Filed to: None

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DAMN ALL RACCOONS TO RACCOON HELL. RACCOONS CAN ALL GO BLOW A CACTUS WITH THEIR LITLE BASTARD MOUTHS WHILE GETTING ANALLY RAPED BY A GOOSE. DAMN THE WAY RACCOONS WALK. DAMN THE WAY RACCOONS RUN. DAMN THE WAY RACCOONS RUN IN FRONT OF MY DAMN CAR AND HIT MY BUMPER. DAMN THE WAY THE RACCOON IS FLATTENED ALL OVER THE PAVEMENT.

So I may or may not have just hit a raccoon. Pics to come.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:20

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Just a Malibu, no biggie. There’s 8 million more out there.

JGrabowMSt > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:21

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I took the tail off one a few years back. Got my wheel all dirty. Bastard.

Tekamul > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:21

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You killed a dumpster panda?

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1111111111111111111111 > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:21

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A few years back I had a Canada goose land right in front of me while I was going 70. Huge as spray of feathers from the rear.

Not 100 yards later...another one does the same damn thing.

Viggen > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:21

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Allow me to provide you my pest killing device:

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:22

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Fukin coons

911e46z06 > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:23

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I love raccoons. I have an old one with a gray mask that hangs out with me when I’m in the jacuzzi. His name is Lonesome George, and we share a love of Chicago Blues.

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 10/18/2015 at 23:24

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Still 300-400$ out of my pocket for a new front bumper  and even if its just a 2008 malibu, shes still my car

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > 911e46z06 10/18/2015 at 23:25

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I’m fine with coons as LONG AS THEY DON’T HIT MY DAMN CAR AND COST ME 400$

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:29

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I know that feel. I had one run at my car at a 45* angle as I was going like 60 on a backroad. Thank god for ESP, or I would have been in a filed while trying to avoid it's suicidal ass

shop-teacher > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:30

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Damn garbage pandas!

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 10/18/2015 at 23:32

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It ran right out in front of me from a ditch, and if I swerved right I would go into a ditch, and if I swerved left the impact would’ve been front and center and annihilated my whole grill. I was only going about 45 I think, but the bastard must’ve been close to 30-50 pounds for the damage he did.

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:38

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Brother hit one with the car this summer. now the front bumper doesn’t line up any more, even after bodywork.

also..

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First, they almost wrecked my car..

Second, they damaged my attic...

Third, they keep pooping on my shed...

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PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:45

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damn man, I’m sorry...

coons do suck ass but hey, could be worse! you could hit an oil slick and understeer in to a field like I once did

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 10/18/2015 at 23:47

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Ohh that doesn’t sound wonderful. This is my first accident of any sort, and I only turned 16 a few months ago, but hey, it doesn’t go on my record.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/18/2015 at 23:49

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I may a solution to propose.

Shoot all the ‘coons.

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 10/18/2015 at 23:50

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Mostly the combines take care of them this time of year, and the rest run out of the fields and get hit by schmucks like me

facw > 1111111111111111111111 10/18/2015 at 23:51

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I’m picturing a much larger version of this (and I’m guessing your car is less damage resistant than a baseball)

1111111111111111111111 > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 10/18/2015 at 23:53

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I did almost the same today:

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/just-cut-the-g…

1111111111111111111111 > facw 10/18/2015 at 23:53

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It was a 99 passat, so no it got fucked up about as much as the 15lb birds :)

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/19/2015 at 00:03

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Just put a plow or something on the front.

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 10/19/2015 at 00:06

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Really should do that this time of year haha

911e46z06 > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/19/2015 at 00:17

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Fair enough. Also, don’t post pictures of the flattened raccoon.

Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. > 911e46z06 10/19/2015 at 00:18

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Wasn’t planning on it. Pretty unrecognizable though.

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/19/2015 at 00:20

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lol, I’m 17 man, I get it :)

I’ve had one official accident, and that’s when I was rear ended about a month ago, but besides that I’ve had a couple of little things that have happened that could technically be accidents but no one saw so it's ok

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > 1111111111111111111111 10/19/2015 at 00:22

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hahah, mine was scary as there was a bit of a dip on to the field, and I missed a sign post by about 3 feet, and then I had to keep going to get back on the road, but similar situation

Tohru > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/19/2015 at 01:25

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My roommate hit one in the middle of winter with his G35. It shattered the bumper cover, broke the washer fluid bottle, and cracked the plastic core support.

orcim > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/19/2015 at 04:04

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In my nature immersion training, we learn to walk like other animals. It’s really instructive - raccoons are special in that respect.

Driving and animals don’t mix - but in the mainland, we don’t notice. Other places, they do.

ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier > Caleb "If a rally car can do it, so can my Malibu" M. S. 10/19/2015 at 10:06

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I hit one with the sable a few weeks ago, no damage to the car at all! Only thing that happened was that some of the fasteners for the Mustang lip came off.

Shoop > Viggen 10/19/2015 at 10:42

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Here’s mine. Metal bumpers connected to the frame with 4 tons behind it ftw.

Your boy, BJR > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 10/19/2015 at 23:50

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Understeered because oil or because Jetta?

Because the 2nd one sounds less ridiculous.

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > Your boy, BJR 10/20/2015 at 00:14

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because oil and it was in the rain. You’d be surprised how well my car corners. and the fact I have the highest performance all seasons I could find does help quite a bit.